Freedom has looked less constraint to me when i was a kid. No matter how much grown ups are entitled to get anything they want or desire, why does it seem more difficult to me now as an adult. Probably we have just grown more greedy and are eager to taste the series of choices and changes. No matter how hard you try, it doesn't feel good enough. I always tell myself to try and learn new things too because I might discover new passion, new routes in luck. But sometimes taking actions based on overwhelming enthusiasms makes me feel like an informal wannabe.

I am always asking this question-how would you ever know when to stop trying? Like do you experience some times when you are waiting for something or someone or even your food from the restaurant, as soon as you start complaining about how slow is it and is about to give up waiting, it comes soon right after. This is how i am afraid. What if you had tried so hard and didn't know that you had just stopped right before the moment hits you, left the restaurant before the food is going to arrive in another one minute and never visit the same restaurant again. You will never know for the rest of your life how delicious it may taste or how you might fall in love with their food, and just bluntly live on with a statement that the food sucks, with a statement you just made from what happened 5minutes ago. You will never know the truth of the what if possibilities. So tell me how much trying is ever enough to believe it is correct?

I question myself endlessly and analysis every possible situation in hand. And it kind of freak me out now, because sometimes it seems to me that i am zooming in one thing and neglecting the bigger picture in life. I wish I can live on with a better answer to assure my being. I won't want to live for ten years and only suddenly realise one day it's all wrong principles. I am not afraid of mistakes, I am not afraid of trying. I am afraid of time. Sometimes i also asked, why aren't i having more fun and take life less serious? Am I too obsessed with finding the right picture that i left the picture frame empty instead. Even too many possibilities scare me now, anything could happen while i yearn for better certainty, somewhere safe and comfortable.

So I did went out looking for answers and never left my zone. I am no good at understanding but I am good at standing ground. Some people get religion. Some people get the truth. I might never get the truth i want forever. But isn't it just a point of view at the end of the day?

I am afraid of crossing lines

I am afraid of flying blind

I let days go by

I always say goodbye

I watch the stars from my window sill

The whole world is moving and I'm standing still

Right now, right now.

I am still finding my new interpretation

And i do really hope it is a better point of view

and being able to laugh and smile harder at life,

looking..

up,

down,

or even upside down.